Bedsteads and Dryer Cords: One Woman Finds Herself and Her Independence in Small Do-it-yourself Projects

When I finally moved from the house my ex-husband and I had purchased together and into a rental house, living without another adult for the first time in my life, I needed to do everything myself. I had to assert myself as a capable, independent adult. The first thing I learned was that the 9 times we'd moved during my marriage were so easy because my ex-husband is possessed of moving logistics which I lack. Months after moving I was still getting small things out of the old house. Eventually I got all moved, and am getting somewhat settled in.

The night of the big furniture move was my first real chance to prove my self-reliance. I lay under my half-put together bed frame at 2 o'clock in the morning, crying, while my boyfriend sat in the living room unaware; I finally realized that sometimes, it's okay to accept help, or even to ask for it. He'd offered earlier to help me, but in my stubbornness I declined his offer. When I walked into the living room, red-nosed and face tear-streaked, he was wonderful, never pointing out "I offered to help!" in that huffy way some people might. We got the bed put together and I got the blessed sleep I needed, my pride a little wounded at requiring help. In the clearer light of morning, I realized by 2 a.m. I was exhausted from a move which had started at 6 a.m. that morning and had taken about 12 hours longer than it should have because of wretched weather and slightly incompetent movers. There was no shame in needing, and asking for, help in that situation.

When it came to changing my dryer cord, however, I had to conquer this one, alone. The dryer cord became my Mount Everest. One of us was going to win. I had no intention of submitting.