The Fail-Safe Guide to Party Etiquette, Vol. 1

"The Prologue"

So you like to party, eh?

So do I. In fact, it's one of my favourite past times. I've thrown and been thrown out of dinner parties, graduation and wedding suares, surprise birthday parties, blowout keggers, small stoner social hours and reserved-room club parties. In life and in partying, there is one major hurdle we must overcome before we truly begin harnessing our social potential and taking it to the next level. That first step is learning simply how not to be "that guy."

"That guy" is the general descriptor we give to the one person at a social event that just doesn't get it. "That guy" can display a host of undesirable characteristics ranging from a lack of conversational tact to an inability to hold his or her liquor to general clumsiness to a strong disrespect for personal property. Nothing is more annoying as a host than realizing your consuming task for the evening will be neutralizing "that guy." I'll spend a whole chapter later in the series outlining various sub-species of "that guy" and describing tactics for keeping him or her in check.

But before we can be a good host we must learn what it means to be a good guest. And that begins from the moment you hear about a party in the works. This brings us to Chapter 1. I hope you enjoy this series and that it makes you la vida de la fiesta, whatever the occasion. Party on!

CHAPTER 1. Pre-gaming: securing invitations and preparing to attend a party.

You find out there's going to be a kickass party in your neighborhood this Friday night. You share mutual friends with the host, but may or may not know him or her personally. What do you do?

OPEN INVITATION

First, figure out what kind of party it is, and what the invitation status actually is. It may be a huge, open-invitation bash. There are two kinds of open-invitation parties: ones where the host is attempting to showcase his or her prosperity by allowing as many people as possible to witness it (benefit galas, MTV Super Sweet 16 parties, over-the-top weddings, etc.), and ones where the host just doesn't give a shit about what gets stolen/broken/urinated on (multi-keggers).