Verbal Abuse: It's About Control

Alec Baldwin's verbal abuse phone call brings up many things concerning proper parenting techniques. Just because your parents treated you in the same manner does not make it right to do the same to your kids.

Kathy Duffek, program manager with Parent's Place, in an interview with Waukesha Freeman on Jan. 8, 2004, says there are some rules all parents should follow before disciplining their children: 

(1) no name calling

(2) don't get in each other's face

(3) don't bring up the past

(4) use sentences beginning with "I" instead of blaming the child

(5) and stay and listen to what the child has to say.

Family therapist Michael Popkin, president of Active Parenting Publishing says, ''it's when you start attacking the child that you cross the line, when you try to hurt with words. Name-calling. Cursing.''

Yelling at your kids and telling them they are stupid produces no real results and is not constructive criticism. If you want to help your children no matter what their age it comes down to one thing - talking to them. If you can't talk to your kids, it's not your kids' problem - it's yours and it's your responsibility to get yourself the help you need. If you don't do this you are just taking out your feelings on your kids because it is destructive. The only treatment for this is therapy.

People often misunderstand how constructive criticism is supposed to be used. You should be using both positive and negative comments on something they can work on at the moment. For any other reason this can also be hurtful.

Verbal abuse puts a wall up between yourself and your children, no matter what their age.