The Romantic Films Spoofed in Date Movie

Date movies. The mounting pile of them being released can only mean one or two things. One: it was recently Valentines Day (or known to others, National Corporate-Sponsored Eat Chocolate Day), or two: Um, it must be because of Valentines Day.

If you have someone to spend Valentines Day with, it can be like Halloween and Thanksgiving combined – and Christmas for your libido. It can be so lovely – so indescribably heartwarming – that you and you significant other might break into Oklahoma while woodland creatures play miniature instruments as you and your beloved slide down a rainbow of love and into a sea of desire.

If you're single, Valentines Day is, at best, National Soul-Crushing-Sadness Day.

If you happen to be single during Valentines Day, there's plenty of things you can do instead of romancing. Why, you can lay in the fetal position and softy weep.

You can stay in bed in your darkened room all day, listening to the Edward Scissorhands soundtrack in a continuous loop, or, for you extremists out there, do Smack and avoid the holiday entirely.

The origin of Valentines day, though most historians cannot pinpoint, is highly believed to hail from Saint Valentine, a holy priest in Rome who embarked on a great apocalyptic battle against Cupid, the Angel. If Cupid won, Valentines Day would be about appreciation for your loved-one’s – a time of solace in a weary age. If Saint Valentine won, the holiday will be about corporate chocolate cards, plush toys, and the celebration of seclusion for the lonely.

Who won?

No one knows. But some studies suggest that Saint Valentine has angel wings mounted on his wall in heaven, or wherever Catholics go. Purgatory?

How this amounts into the whole giving Valentine’s to people in grade school thing, or romantic comedies like The Wedding Planner, I'm not sure. The new comedy Date Movie, however, parodies many romantic soft-comedies.

But just who are date movies’ core-audience? Who goes to see such a bland genre that’s designed to emotionally manipulate us? – Box Turtles? Installation packaging? The Danish? I’m not sure.