How to Amuse Yourself on the Biggest Shopping Day of the Year

Friday's Special, "Blackened"

URGENT : You need to know something about all the major stores and shopping centers in your region. You will want to "agree" with 1 or 2 of the stores that your mate might want to visit. Why? You will get points for agreeing to go all the way out to a Nordstrom, or wherever. Do not mention that this particular mall has a sports restaurant.

Agree to drive across the entire state to a Dillards since you are certain they have a Cheesecake factory.

Upon arrival: do not say you are going to "do a little shopping by yourself" - wink, wink. Idiot!! (Then you have to go buy something.)

Go ahead and tag along into some store for a few minutes, make a few stupid remarks until she makes a face. Then, with all sincerity, say that you will be happy to step outside and call your uncle so that she can enjoy her looking around. Do you think she will say, "No"? Of course not.

Free at last.

Be strategic. Like a marathon runner loads up on carbs before a race - think pretzel ... I mean, Cinnabon. Try to ignore all the fat people in line ahead of you. For you, this is just one day!!

Health tip: really hot Starbucks will dissolve Cinnabon icing.

Now spend a little time at the mall directory map. Scout out all the locations that have TVs on or for sale.
Did you remember to stick today's TV schedule in your pocket?

Check out the early games for 20 minutes, then take a walk.

Time to call in and report that you have decided to get a little exercise, burn some calories (this adds to your point total) and speed walk around the mall property. This is something you could actually do. It breaks up the monotony.

Find a good spot to sit down and rest for a bit, and start looking through your contact list. Go ahead and make some calls. Be a little diplomatic in explaining why you are calling. Confess to being a "mall widower" - but don't give the impression you are only calling in order to kill time. (Some might take it personally!!)