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What Not to Write on a Resume: Statements to Avoid for a Successful Career

By Stefano Felicori, published May 17, 2007
Published Content: 11  Total Views: 7,544  Favorited By: 14 CPs
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Writing a resume can be harder than someone thinks, in the effort to show our best qualities, or sometimes just trying to make them up, can be easy to make overstatements or use the wrong phrasing and damage our image

Here are some common mistakes that are better be avoided when submitting a resume, or simply inquiring about a job.
So for a better chance to give a good impression never write things like:

- I have just completed my MBA and my strong desire is to become a manager with the capital A.

- I have localized your ad on the local paper.

- Attached to this letter of presentation, you will find my resume and my mug shot.

- If now you are not hiring, I would like my resume to be infiltrated in your Human Resources database.

- In reply to your ad, I would like to point out that I have a truckload of experience.

- You can consider me as vacant since I am about to resign from my current employer.

- I hope I am still in time to submit my resume; I am inquiring about the ad you posted 6 weeks ago.

- I have heard the rumor of a possible position with your company.

- I am a spicy sales man with a kick.

- Attached is a brief, but clear circumnavigation of my previous experiences.

- I have read your ad and found it incredibly tasty.

- I am a certified accountant, so is my wife and my four children; for a total of six accountants.

- My father's cousin's husband from my father's grandfather side told me about your ad.

- And here comes the juiciest part of my resume...

- I am replying about your bilingual position ad; I am both mother and father tongue German.

- I do not have previous experience of working under pressure, but I once participated at the "Wheel of Fortune".

- I am available for consulting or collaboration on free-lunch bases.

- I am ready to start from the bottom, but if I have to be honest, I rather not to.

- If, for whatever reason, you will find my resume unfitted for the position, I would be happy to provide a different one.

- I have an immaculate record, almost new.

When talking about you and your hobbies, avoid statements like:

- As a hobby, I play in a rock band as a substitute.

- I like the beaches, walking on the ocean really relaxes me.

Takeaways
  • Doubts writing your resume
  • Statements to avoid
  • Personal informations others dont need to know
Did You Know?
I have just completed my MBA and my strong desire is to become a manager with the capital A.
Comments
Comments 1 - 15 of 22
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Most of the comments were funny ones .... but OH so true. I would throw out resumes submitted with garbage similar to what you have here. These are GREAT tips, yeah and a little bit funny too. Good Job. And Welcome To AC.

Posted on 05/30/2008 at 8:05:47 PM

 
awesome, thank you. Cheers

Posted on 04/21/2008 at 4:04:33 PM

 
I sort of liked the circumnavigation! And have one to add: "B.A. failed" (which in India signals that someone was accepted to college, but does not positively impress North Americans deciding whom to interview!)

Posted on 11/14/2007 at 9:11:00 AM

 
Very nice, lots of humor.

Posted on 09/08/2007 at 9:09:00 PM

 
Funny!

Posted on 08/03/2007 at 5:08:00 PM

 
I can't believe people really write such silly things! Sophie

Posted on 08/02/2007 at 10:08:00 AM

 
Wonderfully entertaining - hope you're still writing, miss your stuff!

Posted on 06/15/2007 at 7:06:00 PM

 
LMAO!!!!!!!!! =]

Posted on 06/04/2007 at 6:06:00 AM

 
Thank you for the laugh!!

Posted on 05/27/2007 at 10:05:00 AM

 
When I was a secretary I actually had a guy give me a resume with this line on it: 'I think I would do very well in the job here because I have a butt load of experiece doing jobs like this'. I don't think they ever called him back, but they laughed for a long time over the 'butt load of experience' line.

Posted on 05/25/2007 at 12:05:00 AM

 
Very funny~ Looking forward to your next article!

Posted on 05/21/2007 at 9:05:00 AM

 
That was great, very humorous.

Posted on 05/20/2007 at 2:05:00 PM

 
Funny. :)

Posted on 05/20/2007 at 12:05:00 PM

 
totally cool! :)

Posted on 05/20/2007 at 10:05:00 AM

 
Very humorous! Welcome to AC :-)

Posted on 05/20/2007 at 7:05:00 AM

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