Mile Marker #18

My 18th birthday was full of anticipation and excitement. I was surrounded by my family and friends. It truly was my “coming of age” and I embraced every feeling, tucking it away to be called upon in future days. I call upon that day often. Not because of the age. Not because it represents that of adulthood. I call upon that birthday because of the sense of freedom that it represented.

Do you remember how you felt on your 18th birthday?

I felt free. I felt renewed. I felt as though the world were but a peasant at my feet. Everything before me, was there for my taking. Life stretched out before my feet as if a road of excitement and adventure. It was almost too much to breathe in.

As I age, that excitement and newness seems to fade. I do not approach life with that same vim and vigor. I do not feel that same sense of ability to conquer as 18 brings with it. There are times that I wake up in the morning, and miss that.

I relived all of those feelings at my brother’s birthday party. I watched his eyes as they flooded with each realization of what this age represents. It were as though he were renewing right before my eyes. This child, who has seen more and been through more than any average teenager, suddenly became flush with the innocence of young adulthood. Suddenly, all that which he has lived over the past few years, disappeared. He allowed himself the freedom of reveling in the moment, feeling his emotions, and absorbing it all with a simple breath. This is the reason to wake up each day; to feel this.

Even though I am very past this numerical mile marker, my heart continues to reside in this era of my life. Recently, I have begun to find a niche, of sorts, allowing me to face each day with that very same feeling of being utterly untouchable. Every new horizon offers yet another chance at feeling alive, being alive, and truly living. Letting go of jealousies, freeing yourself of fearing the unknown, and embracing what may come has given me back that which I had lost somewhere between 18-25 years of age. Why does one allow themselves to become so Jaded?