Parenting and Discipline: What Should You Know About Temper Tantrums and Time Outs

This piece is dedicated to all the children whose basic needs don't get met; the children who spend too much time, whether of their own choosing, because their parents lack parenting skills or because they have little impulse control, in time out.

I have been asked my thoughts many times about timing out children since this discipline method is often used in response to temper tantrums. Some statements made here that sound as if they have come from books and research may have. They have come from years of reading and working with children. Nothing comes from any particular book. One author is mentioned and he is given credit.

What is a temper tantrum?

There are different types and different personalities will display tantrums often for very different reasons. I will define the term by giving you examples of behavior. Let's look at some real life circumstances.

1. You will often have a tantrum in a child who can't talk. Let's face it- it is a frustrating experience to not be able to make your needs known. Can you imagine if you couldn't speak? And if you can't, can you imagine not being able to type?

You have been shopping all day with your 3-year-old who can't say, "Mom, I am bored out of my wits. I am tired and hungry. I want to go home." So he starts acting up. You don't immediately key into the reason for it perhaps so he needs to get your attention in a more extreme way - thus the tantrum. What to do? This is not the time for a time out, in my opinion. This is the time for you to realize that your child is trying to tell you something. Pick him up and hold him. This will give him the attention he deserves, will contain him if he is flailing and make him feel safe. Then go home!