God Explains Himself

I wanted the sky to be purple, I really did! But politics got in the way, as is usually the case.

Okay, picture this: you're busy creating the universe, right? Trying to figure out how many rings to put on Saturn, making sure the Big Dipper isn't too close to The Little Dipper, in order to prevent Dipper Envy. Yes, there is a Little Dipper, you just can't see it, because it's... Well... Little. Anyway, you're busy creating something that has never been done before and, of course, everybody has their opinion on where things should go and why.

I wanted to put two moons around earth, but the right wing conservatives said that was just OBSCENE!

Believe it or not, the feminists wanted the sky to be Pink. I thought strongly about it, too. Pink skies with black rainbows... But then the acid wore off and I came back to my senses.

People were lobbying for Blue all along and I figured Purple was very similar to Blue, so why not meet somewhere down the middle? Environmental-cases got envious and wanted everything to be Green. That's where, if I had any feet, I would have put one of them down. I mean, everything else is green already! Maybe I got a little carried away with the green. But you have to use your resources and we had a surplus of Green. Green was cheap and everyone was always telling me that we were on a tight budget. I didn't see it that way. It looks to me like we have an infinite supply of currency; after all, we make the money and we are the ones who assign value to it.

But somewhere along the line, we decided that there wasn't enough. I have to go with what my people tell me. They wouldn't lie to me. They have the People's best interest in mind, right? It turns out though, that you can satisfy some of them some of the time and the rest of them are pretty much idiots. I say that with the utmost love and compassion - they're idiots.

I finally turned to the homosexual community, because, when it comes to decor, I respect nobody's opinion more. Unfortunately, they couldn't help me with Earth, because they were preoccupied with Uranus. I too was beginning to lose interest in earth and the red tape that we were getting ourselves tangled up in because of it.