Is Your Mate Controlling You? How to Read the Signs

When I met and began dating my ex-husband, I thought I had found the perfect partner. From the beginning, he was attentive and interested in my life and my children. I had been a single parent for most of my children's lives and had struggled both emotionally and financially with this over the years. He stepped right up and began taking care of us, buying tickets for the three of us to wonderful concerts and taking us on wonderful vacations. All things we had never been able to do before. My girls loved him and were thrilled at the opportunities he was giving them. I thought that my days of struggling were over, finally. What I didn't realize was that the struggle had really only begun.

After a short time, we moved in together. He bought a house for us and assumed all of the costs. He paid the mortgage and the utilities, the groceries, and he paid for necessary home improvements. I really thought I'd hit the mother lode. Right up until we were married six months later. Once the papers were signed, he truly took over my life. He took over all of my bills except my car payment. He continued to plan trips and take us to concerts. It wasn't until the end of the marriage that I realized these actions were not based in generosity. They were acts of manipulation pure and simple. He believed that by controlling my finances, he was holding me in the marriage. Knowing my penchant for shopping, he believed I would spend all of money on that pursuit and would, therefore, be financially unable to leave him. One of his parting shots only confirmed this. He blasted me with, "You didn't have two nickels to rub together before I came along and you'll have nothing when I'm gone. What kind of existence is that?" Point made.