How to Survive Living with Your Mother-In-Law

Sometimes life gives us lemons and we have to make lemonade! This is exactly what some men and women face simply because of financial or family situations that warrant either a husband or a wife living with their mother-in-law. There are a plethora of reasons why this might happen, too.
 It may be because of financial hardships or the married couple is taking care of the mother. Whatever the reason, however, this situation can not only put a strain in the married couple's relationship, but sometimes it can be a difficult problem for everyone.

I have actually been living with my wife and her mother for quite some time now; fortunately, it has been smooth-sailing except for a few situations that have arisen over time. There are many things that you can do in order to get along with your mother-in-law and to have just as strong a relationship with your spouse as you did before your mother-in-law moved in.

#1: Realize that She's Family

The number one step in getting along with your mother-in-law and preventing major arguments and disagreements is to realize that your mother-in-law is not your enemy, but quite the opposite. Once your mother-in-law moved in she became part of the family and should be seen that way. This is not to say that she has become "mother of the house," because she hasn't. But realizing that your mother-in-law is not out to get you is crucial to staying happy and having a fresh outlook on issues that arise.

#2: Communicate with your Spouse Daily!

This is also another crucial step in making sure that nothing comes between you and your spouse. One of your fears may be that your mother-in-law will intentionally try to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. However, this probably only is an irrational fear, and even though it probably won't go away completely, can be reduced. By talking to your spouse and communicating with him or her on a daily basis is not only something that you should have been doing before your mother-in-law moved in, but is something that is all the more crucial after she has moved in!

#3: Talk to your Mother-in-law

Related information
  • Realizing that your MIL is not out to get you will make this transition easier for everyone.
  • Keeping up good communication with you spouse can help reduce any anxieties you may have.
  • Talking regularly with your MIL may help break down a barrier and even create a friendship.
 
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Me and my wife were happily married for 10 years. Then my wifes parents move in because they lost their house. 2 years have passed and I have lost my desire to have sex with my wife and I have begun drinking because I am so unhappy. I will give advice to men and not do this. You will not be happy.

Posted on 05/03/2009 at 1:05:16 AM

I was faced with this situation 2 years ago with my girlfriend/fiancee. Her mom is a widow and I didnt realize my Fiancee was supporting her financially. I thought all along she was getting insurance money and her husbands pension and social security when her husband passed away but no. My fiancee was pushing for having her mother live with us and I didnt want it. I ended up cancelling the wedding and now I am glad I did. I couldnt understand why she wanted her mother with us. I came back saying that her mother wouldnt want too and she would feel shamed living this way. But in the end I found out the real reason and thank God I cancelled the marriage. She was a nice girl but knowing I would have to live with her mother makes our breakup an easy one. I let a great wife and future good mother to my kids get away because I didnt want to live with my mother law. Guess What? No regrets! I would rather be happily single than miserably married.

Posted on 05/03/2009 at 1:05:31 AM

living with your MIL is just not healthy -- and do not try to "make lemonade" when you do not have to. My wife's mother has been staying with us for 6-8 months a year for he last 5 years, and our family is a wreck. The only thing that keeps me going is our daughter; otherwise, I would have been gone a long time ago. So, DO NOT try make living with your MIL work -- nature did not intend it that way; do yourself a favor and put your family first! I realize now how big of a mistake, a grave mistake, really, I made 5 years ago agreeing to this arrangement (and realizing that I have only myself to blame makes it all the more difficult...)

Posted on 04/04/2009 at 5:04:28 PM

how to communicate with Mil when they don't speak english after 20 yrs in canada, body language is neg. warmth............. and controlling ,obsessed with age of 83 and plays on it.

Posted on 12/21/2008 at 8:12:22 PM

how to communicate with Mil when they don't speak english after 20 yrs in canada, body language is neg. warmth............. and controlling ,obsessed with age of 83 and plays on it.

Posted on 12/21/2008 at 8:12:34 PM

We moved in to allow my mother-in-law to stay in her own home - it is a total nightmare - she hates everything I do - hates me - and it is continuous verbal abuse to me - I work hard to stay well in my soul - but each day takes more prayer - she eats scabs at the table - refuses to do anything in the house - won't even bathe - making lemonade is a real challenge most days.

Posted on 10/29/2008 at 11:10:25 AM

This is probably the hardest time in my life. I would love to say that this was helping, but I have tried everything!! I talk to her, Im nice to her...then everything fell apart. She does not express how she feels right away like I do, so one day she blew up on me and I lashed back. I said things I meant, but shouldnt have and so did she. But it hurt, because no wife should have to argue with her mother in law. I can not say that this woman is like a mother to me at all. She has bipolar dissorder and is impossible to live with. She is leaving in three weeks and counting. I am sorry I don't have a decent mother in law, but I will say that keeping the peace is so worth it. To have to hear nasty things from a person you don't really know is the hardest thing to deal with. It adds to all the insecurities and hardship of being part of a new family. I would reccomend to anyone to never ever ever let things escelate to the point you say hurtful things you CAN NEVER take back.

Posted on 09/14/2008 at 3:09:59 PM

That is great that you have published this article. So many people portray her as the monster in law, but just as in that movie we discover she isn't so bad as chain of command goes on, we learn her mother in law was a witch as well. Great suggestions! My mother in law is more a mom to me then my own at times.

Posted on 09/17/2007 at 7:09:00 PM

Be gratefull you can have this dear person in your life.

Posted on 05/30/2007 at 9:05:00 PM

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