Teaching Kids to Lose: Turn a Sore Loser into a Good Sport

The other day, my five year old and I were going to play Candyland. Usually, I yawn at the thought, but we hadn't played in awhile and it was a rare opportunity to slow down and spend time together. I was quite chagrined when 5 minutes into the game, she refused to stay stuck on the licorice stick. When I insisted laughingly, because "that's the rules, honey" she threw a tantrum of such proportions that we put the game away for awhile.

Needless to say, I was a bit worried that I had a really sore loser on my hands and went looking for advice. Here's what I found out from an array of parenting experts.

Toddlers and preschoolers are more prone to throwing tantrums when they lose because they lack words to express the intense frustration they sometimes feel. So a certain amount of sore loser behavior is developmentally appropriate. By kindergarten age, this type of reaction should be changing into a give-and-take way of playing games.

It's important to help your children learn how to lose. For some children, not winning or not getting to play what they want is a signal to stomp off in a huff, or even turn over a board game in anger. And while in the toddler and preschool years, frustration is expected, in later years, this attitude can really harm their social standing. A sore loser just isn't going to have a whole lot of friends.

Some children, by temperament, seem destined to be sore losers. These are the babies that were easily upset. As toddlers, they were more anxious about situations that their peers took casually. But even these sensitive children can learn that losing is just a part of having fun. Here are some ways to help.

Model. Children watch how their parents handle upsets and frustrations. How you handle the stresses of your life sends a huge message to your kids.

Name it. Naming emotions goes a long way to defusing their power. Teach even your toddlers the "feeling" words: angry, upset, frustrated, sad. Tell them it is okay to be angry but no one wins all the time.