Growing an Obedient Child

Children and marriage what a delightful and exasperating combination! Today, my little girl was testing to see if DADDY really is BOSS. She was whiny, crying and altogether unbearable. When I finally explained to my husband, Paul what I do with her to ensure that she knows I am both her boss and her loving mother, I found that I described it this way:

My goal for is that I not break my daughter's spirit. I want to train her up in obedience without making her feel that I value her less because of her disobedience or that I am ashamed or dislike her less because of her misbehavior. I don't value her any less because of her misbehavior just as when we misbehave God doesn't place less value on us.

To show my daughter this, I go through the following steps when she engages in an action that is disobedient. First, I explain to her what the behavior is such as (define her behavior): You kicked mommy. Then, I explain why the action is not ok (define why the behavior is wrong) : that hurts mommy. Then I state my expectation: Don't kick mommy. Then I explain the consequence: I will hold down your legs and the diaper change will take longer if you kick mommy. This way I am clearly describing the behavior, why it is disobedient and the consequence without attacking her self-worth in anyway. I don't want to tell her she is "bad" or adjust the intonation of my voice in anyway that would make her feel less valuable as a person or that I love her any less because of her misbehavior. Her behavior does not change my love for her. My voice may sound upset, but I do my best to clarify that I am upset with her actions not her.

I found that because my daughter didn't know Paul was boss yet, she was harder to deal with then she is during the week. I wanted to say, Paul go back to work, when you are home she is irritating. But the truth is we simply needed to work it out and now she knows he is the boss.