I Am a Dramatic Woman with a Small Megaphone

When people see me on the street, they automatically assume that I am a cheerleader. It could be my spunky yet functional ponytail, or my abrupt and melodramatic arm perched akimbo on my hip, or it could be the small, feminine megaphone that I always hold in front of my mouth but down just a few inches, as though to say to them, "I've just finished conveying something extremely important, and am now pausing for dramatic reflection."

However, this sweeping assumption couldn't be further from the truth. The real truth, which shouldn't be confused with the true reality, is that I am an overly dramatic skinny woman with a small megaphone poised in a slightly foreshortened silhouette:

The face of dramatic women with small megaphones has changed considerably over the years, so much so that it seems positively unbelievable to many that I am in fact, a dramatic woman with a small megaphone. Most people immediately think of a plump yet hoisted silhouette of a woman with a short bob and a frilly homemaker dress holding a small megaphone with her arm perched commandingly on her hip standing in front of a giant green heart, not the young, virile woman of today clad in tight yet modest clothing standing in front of a giant orange star.

Just today while I was standing on a street corner in front of my large orange roll-up backdrop with one arm cocked back and the other hoisting my small megaphone, when some guy just began talking to me about how great my image was and how much he would like to pay me to be a spokeswoman for something dumb he was selling... I think cellphones or some junk like that.

Anyway, he just couldn't understand what I was trying to tell him. He couldn't grasp the fact that I am a dramatic woman with a megaphone and not some advertising whore to be peddled like pounds of fish. In the end I gave him ten dollars and told him to go stand in the back with the other "background people and try to keep still.