My Letter to Hollywood, Regarding Marriage and Divorce

Dear Hollywood,

I am writing to you today regarding your marriage and divorce habits, and asking you to cease and desist. As you may have heard, through your manager or publicist, the divorce rate in the US is currently around 50%. At least half of these can be attributed to you, our actors and performers. For the sake of the nation, please stop.

Tell me, is it considered trendy to make a mockery of marriage? Or do you honestly go into these relationships expecting success. Third time's a charm? Or maybe eighth, Liz Taylor? Do you not realize that yes, you do have demanding schedules, and no, you will not get to see each other all that often? Is it the constant struggle you both feel to be in the limelight that results in one home--oh who are we kidding, three homes--and the bonds of matrimony not being able to contain the two of you?

Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate your efforts in forming marriages instead of always just sleeping around with each other. But come on, do you ever think? Was it really so smart, Renee Zellweger, to run off to St. John and marry Kenny? Sure you got an annulment instead of divorce, but maybe if you had spent a little more time in preparation, you would have discovered earlier whatever "fraud" you found after marriage. As for you, Britney Spears, I cannot even begin to comprehend marrying K-Fed, while his ex was pregnant with his child, no less. Use your brains, and try to refrain from complete impulsiveness. It doesn't seem to work in your favor.