Feminists or Rude Men: Who Killed Chivalry?

However, Guy #4 completely agrees with you. Here was his response: "I believe there is a difference between chivalry, independence and acts of kindness or politeness. If a man should hold the door open for a women, that is an act of kindness. Yes, you can open the door for yourself; you can hold the door open for a man. Whether being gentlemanly or a dogg, for a woman to remark that a man held open the door just to look at her backside suggests to me 1) insecurity on her part; 2) a hidden agenda on her part; or 3) lack of social skills. I would have been offended as well, but may have suggested to her that she stop so that I could get a good look to remark how unattractive her backside really was. Not at all polite, I know."

Three more responses from guys about that butt joke and what they would've done: Guy #1 "I might have told her she was right now let me get those digits and we'll talk about it tonight! I definitely wouldn't have been offended though..."; Guy #2 "I would not have laughed it off but I would not have gotten mad either. I hold the door for women and do other things for women because as a man we are supposed to be there for the women. Show her that she is our QUEEN. I'm not going to lie but I would have looked at her butt while holding the door for her. Men look and women do to. The problem is not the looking but what the looking leads to."; Guy #3 "Not only would I not be moved to anger, I would open the door for her again just because she is a woman."

When I ask a man if he's gay, it's because he's approaching me romantically. I have zero interest in knowing whether someone is gay unless he and I are about to be in THAT type of relationship though, although I don't think the question is rude. People ask random strangers can they pick them up at their homes but can't ask their sexual preference? Nope! I'd be more likely to tell a person my sexual preference than I would to give my address. I won't even give a guy my cell phone number. But that's just me. I don't have any direct questions for you, but I did ask some guy friends and family members whether they'd be annoyed about that butt joke. A friend of mine said he wouldn't laugh it off, but he wouldn't be mad either. He also said honestly, he probably would look at the woman's butt. I respected his honesty. Men look at womens' butts all the time. It's not like the woman mentioned something that was insane to do.

Phil, okay, I see where you're talking about: "But the funny thing was on one of my trips out the door of the grocery store, I gave some guy all sorts of attitude for going in the door before me because he saw me coming." I was exaggerating with the "all kinds of attitude." All I did was shake my head in disappointment. I was raised with family members, friends, and boyfriends who held the door for women, so I'm not used to men who will try to race you in the door and won't hold the door for the person behind him. I hold doors for men and women, but this guy was almost trying to move me out of the door. As for someone asking me am I gay, that wouldn't bother me. I'd just answer the question. I've had more women ask me than men solely because women tend to get on that "need a man" conversation more than men do, at least in my experience, but with that said, I've only been asked a good three times in my whole life.

"However, it's usually men who really are gay who get mad, storm off, or completely overreact" on January 30th. Ok, so people have asked you if you are a lesbian. But you made it seem like only women ask you that. I think that most men would think long and hard before asking a woman that question. You might see the question as just like any other, but a lot of people might not. I think that you should respect that some people are not comfortable with that question. I'm finished with this. You can have the last word. I will not respond unless you specifically ask for my opinion. And one more thing, I don't mean for this to be taken personally. I'm not really calling you out individually, but all women. Sometimes, women are rude because they don't know what they are doing. But there are many other instances where women are more sensitive to others' feelings than men are. But, that is a completely different topic.

part 1: The grocery store episode is in your article right before "Chivalry Rule #1." You said you gave the guy "All sorts of attitude." I don't think he deserved that. Insisting on condoms or requiring a potential partner to undergo an STD test is not rude. Asking a man if he is gay when you first meet him is rude. There definitely are ways to protect yourself without being so blunt. Also, you seem to be referring to men that you meet strictly in romantic settings, which was not my intention. The woman in my example was a complete stranger who approached me to ask me if I am gay. There is a huge difference between that and asking some guy who is hitting on you. But I think that both are rude. You write, "Ironically though, no guy has ever walked away when I asked these questions." That does not surprise me, because I think that most men are too chivalrous to walk away. I am surprised that you now write that no man has ever walked away, but you did write, "However,

...I've had conversations about how I don't "need a man" with a few very old-fashioned women. It doesn't bother me to answer that type of question. It's a yes or a no the same way as any other. Plus, for someone who is trying to date you, that's necessary to know. It is very much my business to know a person's sexual preference if they are approaching me in hopes of dating me. That's how so many people end up with STDs--they feel it's rude to ask their partner to use condoms, rude to ask their partner to wait for them to apply condoms, rude to stop their partner if they're not on birth control, and rude to ask their partner about their past sexual history. I have no time to be shy. If I want to know, I'll ask, whether it's the moment I meet a man or right in the throws of passion. That's not something I'm budging on. Manners won't keep me healthy. As for that butt/door comment, I'd still take it as a joke or tell a joke like that, but the guys I hang out with would probably laugh it of

I don't see the point of giving someone my number if I'm not satisfied with the basics. Any man that I ask these six questions (I didn't mention the other five) to can easily walk away or feel I'm not worth his time. Ironically though, no guy has ever walked away when I asked these questions. Confidence is the sexiest thing on Earth, and I have yet to meet a man who wouldn't stand his ground when approaching me. That's not to say that all men would tolerate me asking my questions, but I don't feel it's rude. Approximately 70% of African American women are new patients of HIV/AIDS, and quite a bit of that is due to inconsiderate and irresponsible men who refuse to admit that they are 1) homosexual and 2) doing drugs with unprotected needles. I volunteer for an HIV/AIDS prevention center. I have zero tolerance for not asking the questions I want answered from the beginning. Forget being rude. I'm trying to stay alive. As for being asked was I gay, I've had people ask me that before when

Phil, I apologize, but I do not see this part where a guy walked in front of me in the grocery store. I mentioned quickly getting boxes before someone could ask did I need help to my car, but I didn't have an attitude about it. It was 1 am in the morning, I was dead tired, and I wanted to hurry up and get the boxes back, so I could move the next day. I wasn't going to wait around like a damsel in distress for someone to help me carry boxes to my car when I was fully capable of doing it by myself. Is that the situation you're referring to? I didn't get an attitude with anyone. I was just in a rush. As for Part 1, you said "Women are much less likely to suffer the immediate consequences of rudeness, and as a result they are often careless about what they say or do." I translated that as an insinuation that women would more likely be rude because you feel they can get away with it. And for Part 2, yes, I ask men several questions when I meet them. I don't want to waste my time or theirs.

Part 3: dead. In your article you mention that a man walked in front of you at the grocery store and you "gave him all sorts of attitude." What was his response? You didn't mention it, so I assume he did nothing. I think that you were very rude and you got away with it. Why? Because he's a man, you're a woman, and chivalry is not dead. I considered pointing this out in my first post, but I decided to be chivalrous.

how sexual harrassment law works. "I was only joking!" Isn't an effective defense for men in sexual harrassment cases. Well, at least it isn't for men. You yourself claim that "getting a peek at her form" is a benefit for opening a door for a lady, so I don't think that you have a case here. The woman who asked if I was gay was a complete stranger. I didn't say a word to her before or after the encounter. Do you seriously ask men if they are gay upon meeting them? That is really rude. It is none of your business if "too many men keep it on the downlow." And if a man "gets mad, storms off, or overreacts," you deserve it. You don't have a right to determine what an appropriate reaction should be. If I asked a woman if she is a lesbian, she will probably a) slap me b) scream at me and give me a lecture, or c) never speak to me again. And nobody will have any smypathy for me. You get away with it because men are more willing to endure rudeness from women. Chivalry is not

part 1: I absolutely did not write that "women are more rude than men are." I do not think that women own rudeness. I think that when women are rude to men, they are more likely to not be called out on it. I did not say that men ALWAYS turn the other cheek. The rejected men that you described are sexist and uncivilized. Sexist men exist. We are discussing chivalry, not sexism. I don't remember anybody ever telling me that "sexism is dead." My point was that men are unlikely to call a woman out for rudeness. You were not rude to the "Evil Way" man, so you can't say that he called you out for being rude. He was rude to you because you rejected him. You did not deserve to be treated like that. But I think that many more men do not exercise their right to respond to legitimate rudeness. I don't think that the woman in the "door/butt" example was joking. I wasn't there, so of course I can't tell for sure. Her intention is less important than his interpretation. That is ho

There are some men who are low-key and not rude because they realize that when you approach a woman, there is no 100% guarantee that she'll be interested in you back (or vice versa). But there are quite a few men who think they're God's gift. Hell, listen to a Snoop song. Listen to how he speaks to women. And you honestly believe women are more rude than men? Wow!

And Phil, this is where I do start speaking for females. I think your views on women being rude are extremely inaccurate. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a club and a guy walked up to me and asked if he could buy me a drink. I told him I was more interested in getting something to eat but maybe later if he so chose to. Then about five minutes later, another guy walked up to me and started flirting. I talked with the second guy, the first guy came back around, and whispered to me "You have an evil spirit about you. I guess you go for what you want." It blew me away because I hadn't had a long conversation with the first guy. Men are extremely rude when they feel like they've been rejected. I have had so many lady friends or associates of mine who have complained of being called bitches, hos, or told "You ain't all that anyway" if they choose not to talk to a guy that approaches them. Men are just as likely to be disrespectful to a woman than they would a man. The difference is this.

Okay, Phil, let's take this point for point. You may have insight on YOUR behavior, but you cannot speak for all males just like I cannot speak for all females. The lady who said a man was just trying to look at her butt sounded more like a joke. On top of that, I've been in situations like that where a guy did open a door and look directly down. Hell, that's happened to me on escalators, walking down the street, and even at work. How do you know she wasn't joking? Or were you the person who opened the door? As for the woman who asked you were you gay, what brought on this conversation? When I meet a man, I'll ask him the same question. Too many men are on the down low, and I'd rather know plain and simple. His reply usually answers my question. Men who aren't will usually bust up laughing and say "I can't believe you asked me that." However, it's usually men who really are gay who get mad, storm off, or completely overreact.