Serial Killer Upset at Dumb Nickname: 'Manicure Murderer' Depressed Over Sissified Alias

Bud Richards longs for the days when he was called Buddy or the Buddster by the fellows in the Parish. But now the construction worker turned serial killer is only known as The Manicure Murderer, because before brutally slaying and dismembering his victims, he clips their nails to send to family members. The nickname, given to him by Los Angeles law enforcement, hurt Richards's reputation so badly amongst the local LA serial killing community that he was finally forced to move east to the small burgh of Broken Springs, Michigan.

Associated Content met up with the scintillating psychopath over tea and biscuits after he arrived Saturday morning.

"I was hoping to be named something clever like "The LA Clipper" or perhaps even the "Big Clipper" but instead I'm known in the annuls of American history as 'The Manicure Murderer?' How gay is that?" said the 42 year old killer as he brushed crumbs from his beard and sipped from a cup of Oolong tea. "Serial Killing is no walk in the park, you know. Every day in LA I meticulously stalked my victims, sometimes well after sunset. Then I spent all night snipping the alphabet out of magazines for police letters while watching LA Law reruns on TNT. Sure, sometimes I had time to masturbate while dressed in my dead mother's garters and pantyhose but it's not all fun and games, ya know."

Richards, who takes weekends off to work on his drive at the golf course, told Associated Content that though he may be a serial killer, his feelings can be hurt just like those of a non murdering scumbag. "My mother, bless her rotting soul beneath the floorboards of my bedroom, didn't raise no sissy," he uttered as his voice began to break. "If I hadn't already sliced up her heart up and ate it in a tossed salad, it'd kill her to know that her only son has been branded with such a sissified nickname." He paused to dab the corners of his eyes with a fluffy pink napkin, fighting off his depression.