Presidential Election 2008: A Doomed Odyssey

Let me just say right now that George W. Bush may very well be the greatest American who ever took the seat of presidency. Or rather, I should say: he is one of the best archons of symbolic destruction this nation can ever hope to have acquired through the equally symbolic nature of the people. You see, what most people don't seem to realize is that the President's "brain trust," and the democratic consensus are a perfect marriage. Yes, we've gone through some rough brambles in the early days-and we're still pretty rocky; but what relationship doesn't have its ups and downs?

"How can you possibly sell me the idea that George Bush is a shining beacon of American prosperity?" you might ask. Well, I can't sell you on the prosperity part, because that's not one of the qualities that Dubya embodies so well. But, that's okay! We don't need that in a president. At least, not anymore; not when you have the awesome juggernaut that is the American Dream.

What is the American Dream today? Is it really rights to liberty and pursuit of happiness through natural rights? No, not really. Be honest-what you really would like to have is that new X-Box and an iPod, right? Because we're all fat, lazy Americans, right?

These are the kinds of questions that the incorrigible George Bush has posed to us, the future generations of the Savage Lands. You see, he's really trying to prepare for the inevitable conflict that we're denying so feverishly. Oh, there's no way that some adamantium-laced terrorist is going to plunge his claws into my spleen! My schedule is simply not large enough to accommodate such a dreadful turn of events!