Forgo the Feud - Incorporating Both Your Families in Your Wedding Plans

Although the wedding belongs to the bride and groom, both of their families tend to bring their own expectations to the table. How can you and your intended one plan the wonderful wedding you want, while remaining sensitive to your extended families?

1) Let tradition rescue you!

Dozens of etiquette books clearly delineate the fiscal and practical responsibilities of weddings. Often, tradition can be helpful in defining wedding planning roles, responsibilities, and personal boundaries for all the players.

For example, the groom's family traditionally hosts the rehearsal dinner, and the bride's family hosts the wedding and reception. The groom generally pays the preacher or officiant, and the wedding party often covers their own attire and expenses.

Of course, these duties may vary, according to family finances and the age and level of independence of the bride and groom.

The point is this: if your parents are paying for your wedding, then you owe them at least the courtesy of expressing their opinions. Of course, you will likely have some strong ideas and non-negotiable decisions to make. Even so, are there some areas on which you might concede, so that your family (and your intended's family) can feel needed and valued?

Blended families may experience considerably greater complications, as parents, stepparents and even children become involved in the planning. For instance, when my friend married a man with five children, she had to decide quickly whether she would invite his daughters to be junior bridesmaids. She opted to do so, but many brides do not.

For a second wedding, all bets are off. Usually, the marrying pair is on their own to determine how things will run . . . and to fund the festivities.

2) Honor your own family.

Family traditions, faith, and customs are worth preserving, if possible. If you can, try to include at least a sampling of each family's heritage in your plans.