The Benefits of Fluoride

As a typical sophomore at Oregon State, I didn't know a thing. Couldn't even pretend to know. But I smiled well. Anyway, I saw a movie then, still a favorite - "Dr. Strangelove; Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb."

The Sterling Hayden character, Colonel Ripper, speaking to Peter Sellers' Captain Mandrake, tells him of the dangers of fluoride: "Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation ... fluoridation of water? ... Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous ... plot that we've ever had to face?

"Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, there are studies underway to fluoridate ... flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? ... You know when fluoridation first began? Nineteen hundred and forty-six. ... It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, certainly without any choice...."

Now, I was typical of everybody at the time, I suppose - just dismissed it all as the ravings of the lunatic character Hayden was playing. But it was all true.

We make a lot of aluminum in this country, always have. One byproduct of this manufacturing process is a fluoride compound. Can't just pour that into the river, though - that's a no-no. The trick was, to get past that little EPA glitch and find a way to dispose of this dangerous waste product.

Eureka!, they must have thought: let's convince people it's good for them, even make them pay for it!

Artificial science to the rescue. Based on inconclusive tests and manufactured findings, fluoride was given the official seal of approval. Those inconvenient mountains of waste product could now be disposed of with impunity. And they'd be worth their weight in gold to all who shared in the deception, for the costs of proper disposal were also mountainous.