Do You Psychoanalyze Your Friends?

The other day I was talking to a good friend who was telling a simple and amusing story about her son and an impromptu mother-son sing-a-long. Halfway through it dawned on me - she feels insecure in their relationship and needs affirmation that she hasn't lost the "cool" factor, even though she's gone up in years.

I just psychoanalyzed my friend.

Years ago, a co-worker told a story about a night on the town and a flirtatious bartender. As she told me the story, mentally I was piecing together what really happened based on context clues. According to her, he just about proposed marriage and offered her a job with him at the bar. In reality, he probably said a few nice things in the hopes she'd tip him better. And the loving, gentle person that I am frankly said as much.

Why couldn't I have let her enjoy her tale? Why do I have to analyze everything friends do and say? Is this the downside of all those college psychology classes?

Perhaps, but I think as humans we have a natural tendency to categorize the world around us and the people around us are no exception. By realizing the motivations others have for their stories, we can prevent ourselves from being sucked into Urban Legends, scams, and otherwise stupid acts.

By realizing the purpose behind the story, we can relax when the friend (or colleague or stranger on the plane) starts talking. Instead of thinking (as I initially did) that my friend in the bar was a conceited, shallow person, I instead thought that perhaps she lacked the self esteem to just be herself around others. Instead of rolling my eyes at yet another lame and boring tale about a friend's son, I could recognize that she needed me to believe that she was cool and someone I could still relate too.

But there is a downside to this emotional stereotyping. If we are too quick to put someone in a box, we may become too distrustful, constantly seeking motivations and tearing apart every word we hear in the fear that it may be targeted at some aspect of ourselves.