How Not to Raise a Paris Hilton in Your Home

An Easy 5 Step Guide

1. Do not be afraid to say no: Early on, you have to set boundaries with your children. When you allow them to always get their way when they are small, they grow up with a spoiled privileged attitude. My mother sometimes used thought transference- telepathy to tell me no. She often used that technique while we stood in line at the grocery store. I would reach for a candy bar, and she would quickly gaze down at me. Without moving her lips, I was still able to hear the word NO coming from her. As I look back on my childhood, up until the time I started kindergarten, I thought my name was NO. Anyway, on to tip number two.

2. Give Your Daughter Chores: Nothing humbles a young lady more than dirty greasy pots and pans. That is, if you cook greasy foods. Everyone is so darn health conscious these days. Keep her busy with chores around the house. It builds discipline and a strong work ethic. It teaches her not to take things for granted.

3. Often question her mental status: Questions like "Are you out of your mind?" and statements like "You must be crazy!" are excellent ways to figure out what is going on in her head. Many parents today try harder at being their daughter's best friend than at being a parent. When she brings home that true love that looks like Marilyn Manson with a Bobby Brown rap sheet, do not be afraid to ask her if she has lost her marbles.

4. Toss respecting her privacy out the window: "You don't respect my privacy!" is the teenage girl battle cry. The nerve of Miss Sugar and Spice wanting to put a lock on her bedroom door under your roof. Until she pays you rent, she is basically a squatter. So with that she has no special privacy rights. Enforce your own brand of Homeland Security. Hack into her computer from time to time and take a peek in that diary every now and then. Find out who her friends are.

And last but certainly not least: