Abuse and Male-bashing: Another Point of View

This is another article in my series on abuse and related topics so get set for another strong point of view on male-bashing.

I have already shared my own perspective about male-bashing in my earlier article on the subject but I felt that I had much more to say about it here on AC . I also feel that male-bashing can become abusive if we let it go beyond the bounds of mere complaining, including straying into that area of male-bashing that drives me most crazy: refusing to remain solution-focused.

Whenever we exclude other women for being unable to join in on the male-bashing - for example, when their men are different from the norm, or change gladly in response to our legitimate beefs, and yet the women with this type of man are excluded from the "emotional support" offered by the male-bashers - we are abusing those women by excluding them from our idea of "emotional support." This is especially true when we lead these women to believe that "there is no such thing as the right to be different - you have to be just like us in every respect, including having a man just like ours, in order to be included in our cozy in-group."

In other words, if you are married to a sexist jerk, and you get together with your buddies to do nothing but gripe about the sexist jerks you're married to, think of a woman who has the complaint that her man is not sexist and takes away all her jobs from her, leaving her with nothing to do. You are excluding that woman by leading her to believe that she has no right to gripe. You are also excluding her when you talk about how fortunate she is. She might want tips or hints as to how to tell the man politely to allow her to do something - she may not want to be rude, and she may not want to hear "lucky you - he does the dishes." She simply wants to know how to deal with this. And she wants hints or suggestions. She is being abused when you tell her "lucky you." You are abusing her when you tell her she has no right to complain and to come back when he starts acting like a domineering so-and-so.