Absolute Vodka! Wonder-Beverage!

Vodka's quite the little potatoey beverage that can.

Vodka has an indisputably impressive resume. Word on the street is that the vodka martini has finally surpassed the traditional gin martini in popularity. And like a wet gremlin, the vodka martini has spawned and spewed an entire race of flavored monster martinis--Appletinis, Crantinis, Rasptinis, Choclatinis, Melontinis, Butterscotchtinis, Orangetinis, Pomtinis, Mintinis, and a thousand other bastard variants with names I can't believe anyone has the nerve to pronounce aloud in public. Vodka for White Russians, Black Russians, and the perennial brunch favorite/hangover cure the Bloody Mary (allegedly named, by the way, for Mary I, Queen of England, who burned heretical Protestants with formidable compulsion and awesome lack of compunction). Vodka for the quasi-classy classic Cosmopolitan and the blue-collar Screwdriver. Yeah, vodka does it all.

But vodka can do far more than just get guzzled down your gullet. When it's not boosting a celebration in any of its dazzlingly delicious derivatives or darkening out the pain of a failed life, here are seven other practical uses for vodka:

#1: Vodka kills mold and mildew. That's right, squirt vodka all over your bathroom--tiles, grout, tub, shower curtain and liner, and anywhere else you like. Reminds me of an old Gallagher joke (not verbatim): "I bought some mold and mildew cleanser. Was using it in my bathroom the other day and I started to feel dizzy. I read the label, which had a caution not to use the product in enclosed areas with poor ventilation. It was strange, since mold and mildew only grow in enclosed areas with poor ventilation!" Then I think he made a Watermelotini.

#2: For a streak-free shine, use a few drops of vodka to clean glass, and even eyeglasses (a literal version of the proverbial booze-goggles). Works well on any crystalline jewelry too. And windshields, if you're looking to make a few extra bucks.