The Best of House's Comebacks from the First Season of House MD

On the television show House M.D., Dr. Gregory House is known for saying what he thinks without censoring it. This has led him to utter some of the wittiest comebacks on television.

The character of Gregory House is played by Hugh Laurie. Other cast regulars during season one include Dr. Eric Foreman, played by Omar Epps; Dr. Allison Cameron, played by Jennifer Morrison; Dr. Robert Chase, played by Jesse Spencer; Dr. James Wilson, played by Robert Sean Leonard; Dr. Lisa Cuddy, played by Lisa Edelstein; and Edward Vogler, played by Chi McBride.

The following is a list of some of the best of House's comebacks from season one. The episode is listed in quotes after the dialogue.

Cuddy: I was expecting you in my office 20 minutes ago.
House: That's odd, because I had no intentions of being in your office 20 minutes ago.
"Pilot"

Cuddy: How is it that you always assume you're right?
House: I don't. I just find it hard to operate on the opposite assumption.
"Pilot"

Cuddy: You don't prescribe medicine based on guesses. At least we don't since Tuskeegee and Mengele.
House: You're comparing me to a Nazi? (Smiles.) Nice.
"Pilot"

Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.
"Occam's Razor"

Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
House: I think your tie is ugly.
"Occam's Razor"

House: I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff upper lip British way of saying "no chance in hell."
Chase: Actually, I'm Australian.
House: You put the Queen on your money. You're British.
"Poison"

Chris Dewey: You're reading a comic book.
House: And you're calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were having a "State the Obvious" contest. I'm competitive by nature.
"Histories"

Wilson: She's hot, so she's a hooker? What kind of pathetic logic is that?
House: The envious, jealous, I-never-got-any-in-high-school kind of logic. Hello!
"Detox"

Vogler: Who'd you kill?
House: Nobody, but it's not even lunch.
"Mob Rules"