The Best of House's Comebacks from the Second Season of House MD

On the television show House MD, Dr. Gregory House is known for saying what he thinks without censoring it. This has led him to utter some of the wittiest comebacks on television.

The character of Gregory House is played by Hugh Laurie. Other cast regulars during season two include Dr. Eric Foreman, played by Omar Epps; Dr. Allison Cameron, played by Jennifer Morrison; Dr. Robert Chase, played by Jesse Spencer; Dr. James Wilson, played by Robert Sean Leonard; and Dr. Lisa Cuddy, played by Lisa Edelstein.

The following is a list of some of the best of House's comebacks from season two. The episode is listed in quotes after the dialogue.

Cameron: Have you even looked at the x-ray?
House: No, just guessing. It's a new game. If it's wrong, she gets a stuffed bear.
"Acceptance"

Dr. Chase: If she's never kissed a boy, it's a fair bet she's never had sex.
House: Tell that to all the hookers who won't kiss me on the mouth.
"Autopsy"

House: You're dying, and suddenly everybody loves you.
Wilson: You have a cane - nobody even likes you.
House: I'm not terminal - merely pathetic. You wouldn't believe the crap people let me get away with.
"Autopsy"

Dr. Chase: You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been ... nasty.
House: Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.
"Humpty Dumpty"

Cuddy: Thank you very much. This guy's been working for me for a long time.
House: Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?
"Humpty Dumpty"

House: He's not even a real doctor; he's a human telethon.
Wilson: Is that your problem with him? You see hypocrites every day, why is this guy so special?
House: You think I have a hypocritical attitude to hypocrisy? The problem is there are 26 letters in the alphabet and he only uses two of them. He treats thousands of patients with one diagnosis. He knows the answer going in. It's cheating.
Wilson: So it's all because he's one of them useless specialists?
House: Oh, did I hurt the big time oncologist's itty bitty feelings? You're a big help to patients who actually have cancer. Other times you're just annoying.
"TB or not TB?"