I Love My Mother-In-Law - Yes, You Can Get Along!

I love my mother-in-law.

Yes, you read that right. I love my mother-in-law. Is she perfect? No. Am I perfect? No. But we share a love for my husband, her son, that makes us both want to get along.

My mother-in-law is a survivor of polio. Not only did she survive, but she prevailed. Learning to walk with a brace on her leg was truly a challenge for a young girl. But she also learned to be a fighter. She went to college, worked for almost 30 years, raised two kids, and loved her own mother-in-law with a passion.

So, what do I think is the secret to getting along with your mother-in-law? After much thought, I've come up with some ideas. Some may not work in your situation, but others may be worth a try. Here goes:

1) That woman gave birth to a son or daughter that you fell in love with and married. Somewhere along the way she did something very right. Even if she had little to do with how your spouse turned out, there was some influence that helped turn him/her into the person you love. Remember that next time she's a shrew, or belittles you.

2) You both (presumably) love your spouse. I know my mother-in-law loves her son, my husband. She cares about him and wants him to be happy. She recognized early on that I was the one who could not only make him happy 17 years ago, but still can today. I also love him and want him to be happy. He is close to his family, and it would be the height of stupidity, not to mention cruelty, for me to try to alienate them.

3) Your children deserve to know their grandparents. I know, I know, sometimes that's a tall order. If you have difficulty getting along with your mother-in-law, the last thing you want is for her to be an influence in your kids' lives. But remember, sometimes a mother-in-law can make a terrific grandma, even if she was a lousy mother. There's big difference there, so unless she treats your kids badly, give her a chance with them.

4) Your brother-in-law or sister-in-law may need your help to make his/her life bearable. If you can at least try to get along with your mother-in-law, it might really help another family member. Otherwise you have a tendency to feed off each other's unhappiness.