Talking Dirty: A Beginner's Guide to Sex Talk

For those who’ve never tried it, talking dirty during sex can be an exciting way to spice up a relationship. Talking in bed can be initially awkward, though, especially if you and your partner have never tried it before. Here are some tips to get you started talking dirty to each other.

Read erotic fiction.

If you’re initially not comfortable vocalizing certain thoughts during sex, erotic fiction is a good place to start. Let someone else’s words be your dirty talk until you find your own voice. Look for a compilation of short erotica like Best American Erotica2005 or Herotica to start, then settle in with your partner and take turns reading out loud. The stories should be short enough to get through in under ten minutes. That way, if a particular story doesn’t do it for you, you can move on to the next one.

Take turns erotically stimulating the reader or engaging in masturbatory activities while being read to. Or sit back and relax and use the story as foreplay.

Describe what you want.

To actually begin talking dirty to your partner, try describing what you want your partner to do to you. Or, tell your partner what you’re going to do to him. Words like “harder” and “faster” come in handy (no pun intended). Begin your sentences with “I want you to…” and fill in the blank. Here are Mad-libs to get you started.

1. Lick / suck / kiss my breast / elbow / forehead/ stomach.
2. I’m going to verb your body part until you verb.
3. Please verb me adverb.

Vocalize appreciation for things that feel good.

If it feels good, tell your partner. Dirty talk doesn’t have to be vulgar or explicit if you don’t want it to be, you can simply express what is already happening in bed. “That feels good” and “Keep doing that” are always nice to hear, but go one step further by explaining the “that” in erotic terms. Here are some fill-in-the-blanks to get you talking dirty.