House-isms: The Best House One-liners from Season Two

House-ism is the term used to describe some the hysterical dialogue spoken by Dr. Gregory House, played by Hugh Laurie, on House M.D. Here are some of the best from season two.

Everything we do is dictated by motive.
"Acceptance"

Do I have to spell it out for you? Pheochromocytoma. Actually, I'm not sure how you spell it.
"Acceptance"

I have to make him all better for the state to kill him. Is it me or does that seem ironic?
"Acceptance"

If her DNA was off by one percentage point she'd be a dolphin.
"Autopsy"

Welcome to the end of the thought process.
"Autopsy"

Sometimes we can't see why normal isn't normal.
"Autopsy"

You want to make things right? Too bad. Nothing's ever right.
"Humpty Dumpty"

You're not happy unless things are just right. Which means two things: you're a good boss and you'll never be happy.
"Humpty Dumpty"

I'm happy to report we're so in sync we're wearing each others underwear.
"Humpty Dumpty"

This isn't about race. Unless "annoying" is a race.
"Humpty Dumpty"

In this universe, effect follows cause. I've complained about it but ...
"Humpty Dumpty"

There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function.
"TB or Not TB"

Welcome to the world. Everyone's different. Everyone gets treated different. You try fighting that, you end up dying of TB.
"TB or Not TB"

What usually happens when you poke something with a stick? It pokes back.
"TB or Not TB"

The nameless poor have a face, and it's a pompous white man.
"TB or Not TB"

The only problem with that theory is it's based on the assumption that the universe is a just place. "Spin"

The air is keeping him from breathing air. Let's go with that for the irony.
"Spin"

You know me, hostility makes me shrink up like a... I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
"Spin"

What makes a guy start drooling? Chase, were you wearing your short shorts?
"Spin"

Mistakes are as serious as the results they cause!
"The Mistake"

Anomalies bug me.
"Failure to Communicate"