Culligan Faucet Mount Water Filtration System FM-15DIY

The Evil Bottled Water Company

Narrator: Down in the deep dark sewers of a city that is nowhere in particular, there is a secret catacomb where a sinister plot is being hatched by an evil CEO (aka: The Man) of a bottled water company, and his henchmen.

The Man: I call this meeting to order. We've been producing bottled water for years by driving a truck loaded with empty bottles up to the mountains, then we fill the bottles with fresh, clean, clear spring water. We then deliver these bottles to our suckers...er...customers. This is costing me...er...this company a fortune! Does anyone have an idea how we can reduce our production costs?

Lackey: I do, sir.

The Man: Well, don't just sit there and grow moss, Lackey! Let's hear it!

Lackey: We could filter the sewer water that we have right here in the sewers, then fill our bottles with that, and simply tell our suckers...er...customers that we drove all the way to the fresh, clear mountain springs and filled the bottles there.

The Man: Lackey, that's brilliant! Booohahahahaha!

Higgins: But sir, isn't that dishonest?

The Man: Shut up, Higgins!

Higgins: Yes sir.

The Man: Oh, and another thing, Higgins: You're fired!

Narrator: Poor Higgins had to clean out his desk which contained some paperclips, some pens, and a thirty-day-old tuna sandwich he completely forgot about. Woe to Higgins.

My Take

I have always suspected that many bottled water companies just sell us filtered water. They don't do anything special. By the same token, the bottled water is expensive. Why wouldn't it be? They have to deliver it by truck, and you know how expensive gas is these days.

There must be a better and more efficient and cost-effective way to have fresh sparkling water. :-}

Culligan Man

Mrs. Higgins: Son, here is the superhero outfit I made for you.

Higgins: Thanks, Ma.

Narrator: After he procured his superhero suit, the mild-mannered Higgins slips into a nearby drainpipe and transforms himself into CULLIGAN MAN!