How to Be an Internet Toughguy

Hey, you!
Yeah, I'm talking to you, geekbreath. Sick and tired of losing your e-honor over the mystical realm of wits and wisdom known as the World Wide Web? Upset over a dispute that ended in crying emoticons and piles of meaningless, arbitrary threats? Can't stand the satisfaction that some 30-year-old with a weight larger than the value of his World of Warcraft character level and his futon combined gets from mocking you?? Well look no further, my friend! For I am an excellent auteur when it comes to being a gracefully guile Internet toughguy!

Based upon years and years of teenage angst and irrevocably puerile madness which took place in those yonder years, I have concocted the perfect way to keep your cool when your oh-so-fragile ego is threatened by the likes of...of...those heathens! Those charlatans!

How dare they disagree with your opinions, which are most certainly entrenched in the irrefutable palaces of truth and fact! They must pay-and pay they shall, those wicked Philistines!

I'll guide you through the process of sweet digital vengeance step-by-step, in what has been called by experts "lol, you're crazy chuck" by many a hardened veteran of the information superhighway!

1) The gift of anonymity is your friend and your foe; a double edged sword, if you will. On one hand, you may wreak havoc upon any person you choose through such bizarre monikers like "GokuFan55," or "azngrl1616," or something abstract and stupid like "DenizenOne" or "Chuck Block." Ha ha! You are now in the shadow of the wonderful incognito! You are virtually invincible, and thus anything you say will strike the heart of your assailant with relative ease. They'll never be able to deduce who you are and where you come from, which reduces the chance that they'll come to your house and drag you out from your parents' basement for a world-class beating.