Why Not Patronize Evanston, IL's 24-Hour Burger King at Odd Hours

Sir Adam's Quest in the Burger Kingdom

Being in Evanston over break means I'm surviving on fast food, which rocks. While Taco Bell remains my place of choice, and my one true love in the Evanston fast food pantheon (oh God bless the chili cheese burrito), sometimes I feel the need to patronize our beloved 24-hour Burger King. As Triumph said in the now-famous sketch mocking my fellow Star Wars geeks, "Burger King! Where all dragon masters eat!"

(I didn't figure out till tonight that he's not saying "we're all dragon masters here"... I like my version better.)
There are these four teenagers ahead of me. One weird-lookin' girl, one genuinely cute girl, and two of the sketchiest-looking young men I have encountered in my all-too-short life. These boys are dressed like they're attempting to join some second-rate gang in Los Angeles, they're pawing the girls like they're patting them down at the airport, their command of the English language is worse than mine of regional-dialect Swahili and they've got ratty mustaches-in-training that, like Schrodinger's cat, are sort of there and not there at the same time.

The girls order their food from some fellow with a foreign name. I think it was Texu, except I'm pretty sure the u was in the middle somewhere, and it had an umlaut. He didn't look foreign at all. As Illinois as they come. He had braces and looked way too old for them. Oh, Texu, that you should have these customers to deal with. The girls fluctuated between ordering and engaging in side conversation with their male friends, repeatedly asking them if they wanted anything despite the boys repeatedly saying they were going to eat elsewhere, perhaps in Schaumberg (I am not making this up).