Cursing and Profanity in Children: That Kid Said a Bad Word!

Did your four year old use a four letter word? Did her best friend or classmate call her a very rude name? In my decades of working with young children, I have actually heard very few preschoolers use language in an obscene manner. The preschool years are a time of language exploration for children. They are not only learning words and sentence structure, they are learning the power of language on those around them. For this reason, we often see kids this age with a fascination for "bad words". Because of the many lifestyles, backgrounds and cultures in our society it's helpful to be conservative in the language used with young children.

Help children understand that words themselves are not "bad" but using words to upset another is a bad choice. For this reason one child telling another "you're a crybaby" may actually be a worse offense than letting slip a so-called "four letter word" when a block tower falls. Look at the intent of the speaker. Sometimes the intent is to see what the grown-ups will do or to see how peers will react. Unless there is intent to be disrespectful, or a chronic use of profanity, it's often best to ignore, thus robbing the word of its power.

There are many reasons children use profanity. Your preschooler is beginning to understand cognitively that words are made of sounds, which is an important pre-reading skill. So he may make up many nonsense words of rhyming syllables or silly compound words. These invented words may mimic adult profanity. Possibly they hear certain words in the media or from others around them which they want to "try out" for effect. There are also nearly always a few children this age who have trouble pronouncing certain sounds making their remarks sound like a swear word.

If you hear your child using a word or phrase that someone may consider offensive, ask the child to please use good manners by choosing different words. Also, instruct them that if they hear a word or phrase that you have taught them is wrong to use, they should ask the person speaking not to say that around them. Focus on teaching a courteous way to interact with others.