The Need for Sharing Isn't Always Obvious in a Relationship

He: “What do you want to do tonight?”
She: “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
He: “I am not sure, what do you want to do?”
She: “I have no preference. YOU decide on something.”

He does.
She complains all night and well into the next two weeks.

Sound familiar?

Ladies, if you could fit into this brief dialogue, AND if you complain that your significant other never really talks to you, you may be part of the reason why. In this brief scenario, “she” just abdicated her choice. “She” said “she” had no preference. That means exactly that: “she” had no preference. If she didn’t like the choices he made, then she has absolutely no reason to complain. He did exactly what she told him to do.

Yeah, yeah. “But … but …. He should know what I want.”

Bah humbug.

Reread that scenario, please. She said “I have no preference.” She then complains about his choice. What is he to believe? That you have no preference? Or that you have a preference, but you aren’t going to tell him? Or that you are judging him on his choices when you won’t make a choice?

Ladies, if someone did that to you, you would be, at best, irritated. He just stops making choices and won’t tell you what he thinks. Why should he? He has absolutely no idea how you will respond. Even if you respond, why should he believe you?


When people, men and women, state “I don’t have a preference” that should mean exactly that. If those same people later complain, then they do have a preference. At best, the individual who does this is being inconsistent. At worst, the individual may be lying. How can anyone “know” what the other person wants if that person is inconsistent on preferences?