Reasons Behind Our Decision Not to Have Children: Leave, Cleave, Conceive?

While browsing the greeting card aisle, searching for a light-hearted note of congratulations for my recently wed friend, I laughed out loud at one sentiment in particular. I don't remember the exact wording but the front of the card said something to the effect of how nice it is now people quit asking about the impending wedding date. The inside read "So when are you going to have a baby?"

Assuming that a couple has committed themselves to abstinence prior to their nuptials, it seems only natural that the next step in a Christian marriage is to "go forth and multiply." Whether driven by pressure from anxious in-laws, friends or well meaning church family members, the Biblical concept of "leaving and cleaving" (For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Gen. 2:24, NIV) has somehow morphed into "leaving, cleaving, and conceiving."

We tend to bristle ever so slightly when we hear the phrase "start a family," when those who utter it really mean, "start having babies." Our personal preference is to say that couples are expanding the family, not starting one. It is our understanding that a family begins at the altar on the wedding day.

As Walter Trobisch points out in his book I Married You, the commonly held belief that marriage is for procreation, is a slightly off target premise. The book is about his experience conducting a lecture series designed to facilitate a more appropriately complete view of sex in marriage. Originally published in 1971, his target audience, not to mention the small Christian community to which he lectured in Africa, was initially confounded by his ideas. One of the most profound statements in the book occurs when he challenges Christians to think about the "full stop" that takes place immediately after the wedding.

The "full stop" as Trobisch calls it, is his most compelling argument demonstrating that a marriage without children is still a blessed one in God's eyes. The full stop concept is based on Genesis 2:24. Man and wife become one flesh. This verse says nothing about bearing children or populating the earth.