Advice on Coming Out to Your Parents

8 Tips for Telling Your Parents You're Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual And/or Transgendered

For many in the GBLT community, coming out to our parents and family is one of the most challenging things we'll ever do.  Let's face it, no matter how great our relationship with our parents, and no matter how old we are, coming out is at least a little scary and maybe even a lot.  Having just gone through the ordeal of coming out to my parents (much later than I should have, truth be told), here's some advice that I hope will make coming out to your parents easier for you.

1. Understand why you've decided to come out.  Is it a matter of personal integrity?  Is it a desire to introduce them to a boyfriend or girlfriend?  Is it to shock?  To make sure they still love you?  Or are you simply sick of having secrets?  Make sure you know your motives, as it will enable you to understand and respond appropriately to the reaction you want, the reaction you expect and the reaction you ultimately get.
   




2. If you've decided this is absolutely, positively the time for coming out to your parents, but you're scared you won't go through with it, tell someone close to you who already knows about your sexuality that this is in the works.  The support, encouragement and peer pressure will help you make it happen.
   




3. Realize that there's never a perfect time for coming out to your parents.  Between holidays, birthdays and the stresses of every day life, it would be easy to rule out every day on the calendar as not the right day to share the news.  Plan appropriately (because really, your mom may be thrilled your gay, but  may well prefer flowers for her birthday), but accept that if you're looking for the ideal moment, it's probably never going to come.
   




4. Give your family the benefit of the doubt.  If you're anything like me, you've probably thought up dozens of possible responses they might have or questions they might ask.  If you try to address these all in your initial communication on the subject, it will only put them on the defensive.  Just tell them who you are, and that you're open to discussing any questions that they have.  They might surprise you.