The Best Birthday Party Etiquette

Whether hosting or attending, a birthday party is the social event of the season - to your child, anyway. To ensure that neither you nor your child commits a birthday party faux pas, I've compiled some frequently asked etiquette questions that will make both of you shining stars on the party circuit.

My child doesn't want to invite everyone in her class. How do we handle the invitations and keep it quiet?

Most importantly, don't distribute the invitations at school; mail them. Then, talk to your child about keeping the party as discreet as possible. If possible, he or she could even ask those invited not to talk about the party at school.

Is it impolite to call guests who don't RSVP?

Of course not. It is your right, as the host, to know how many people you can expect and plan for. However, it is impolite to point out their impoliteness by not RSVPing! Simply say something like: "I'm just making the final preparations for Billy's party and I need to know how many pizzas to order. Will Cody be attending?" You may want to include a "Regrets Only" RSVP, where only those that can't attend need RSVP.

I want my daughter to be excited about "her day," but at the same time I don't want her to come off as a brat. Any advice on how to teach her to be a gracious host?

During the planning stages, start explaining the role of a host - to make her guests feel welcome and to ensure that they are having fun. Give her jobs to do during the party, such as taking coats, passing out goodie bags and serving snacks. Not only will she learn the responsibilities behind hosting a party, it will give her a chance to speak, one-on-one, to each guest.

Depending on her age, manners may go out the window if she gets caught up in the excitement of the party. It's ok to gently remind her to say "thank you," "please" and "Can I get you anything?" A four-year-old should be able to greet her guests and thank them for gifts. A six-year-old should be able to say goodbye to her guests without prompting and, by fifth or sixth grade, she should be able to involve kids who are not participating in activities. Beyond grade school, there's no excuse for bad manners!