Building Healthy Relationships and Blended Families After Divorce

The divorce is final, any lingering wounds have healed and you're ready to move on and start dating again. But, things have changed. You're not the same person you were during your earlier dating years. You have children. You have more obligations. And, you're probably much more cautious about allowing people into your life. So, how do you get back on your feet and allow relationships again after divorce?

One of the biggest mistakes that newly divorced people make is jumping right back into the dating scene. Allow yourself time to adjust to the new situation. It is likely that your self-esteem is still a little low and you may feel awkward socializing again. The more time you give yourself to reestablish your own identity, the more confident you will be when Mr. or Ms. Right comes along.

Of course, if you have children when Mr. or Ms. Right comes along, that poses a whole new set of problems. It's important to explain to your children that you have friends of the opposite sex. Be honest, but don't be in a hurry to introduce everyone. Your children have already lost a significant person in their lives and you don't want fly-by-night relationships to make them think everyone will walk away from them.

"It has to be very serious before my children are involved," explains Julie Salee, a divorced mom of three, from Harrodsburg, KY. "I've been dating someone for five months, and I just now feel comfortable introducing them."

Julie's significant other has children too - another challenge. "We decided that he would spend time with my kids for awhile, then I'd come and spend time with his before introducing them all to each other."

When it's time for the introductions, watch how your partner interacts with your children. Is it positive? If not, you may want to reconsider the relationship. Talk honestly with each other and make sure that your partner wants to share his life with children, or more children.

"It's really awkward because when you care about somebody, pretty much the most important thing is for them to like your kids and for you to like them," says Julie. "That could be the one thing that makes or breaks your relationship."