Dealing with Step Kids

Having stepchildren can sometimes be very frustrating and difficult to handle. Often children do not know how to relate to a new parental figure, and resent their presence. The stepparent may be in an awkward position, not knowing how or when to discipline the children. As confusing as this situation can be, if you approach it with the right attitude it can be a great experience. I have two stepchildren, as well as four of my own kids, so I have lots of practice dealing with such a situation.

Luckily I've known my step kids since they were babies. Since they've grown up around me, we are comfortable with each other most of the time. They sometimes find it easier to talk to me than their dad, but only at certain times. We get along well and have fun together for the most part.

Discipline, however, is sometimes an issue. I'm always afraid of overstepping my boundaries or causing hurt feelings, so in the past I've usually left most of the discipline to their dad. However, that is not fair to any of us. Dad doesn't want to be the bad guy or to punish behavior he did not witness. The kids remain under the impression that they can get away with more from me, and therefore don't learn my rules or discipline. I feel like I cannot get on to them except in extreme situations, and resent the fact that my children get in trouble for the same stuff they get away with. So how do we handle it?

House rules are a very important first step. Make sure the step kids are aware of all the rules that the other children are asked to follow. Make sure they understand the consequences of breaking these rules. Take it slow in the beginning, as your rules may be different from the ones they have at home. Make sure they understand why these rules are in place and it will make it easier for them to remember.