Learning How to Fight Fair in Marriage

What type of fighter are you? Do you save up old grievances, and sandbag your partner when fighting? Or, do you walk away, refusing to engage at all? Do you have to always "win" when arguing with your spouse? Money is one of the top reasons couples argue, closely followed by in-laws, sex and friends.  If your arguments always escalate into full blown wars, or one of you always ends up giving in, it's time for a change. How?  

First, you need to sit down and figure out why certain issues are important enough to you to argue about. For example: money. Are you arguing because one of you is irresponsible or "selfish"? Are there control issues? One way to avoid financial disagreements is to have seperate bank and credit accounts. There should be, by agreement one joint household account for dealing with monthly bills.

Any goals, such as saving for a new home, a trip or car should be agreed on jointly. Assuming your partner can read your mind won't work here. Everything needs to be spelled out very clearly and agreed upon jointly.

If one of you is better at bill paying and saving, let that partner assume the role. Fun money comes after responsibilities and goals are met for the month. By being open, clear and honest about your expectations concerning financial management, you can avoid the majority of arguments over money.

If your parents are a negative influence in your marriage, take some steps to show your spouse you are being fair and realistic about your parents behavior. If necessary, keep family visits to a minimum.

One big source of hurt in many marriages, is when one spouse continually shares blow by blow descriptions of their spouses negative behaviors with his/her parents. This is seen to be a betrayal and increases the hostility for all concerned. Don't do this. It's unfair and a breach of marital trust. Running back home when things get bad is immature and shows a lack of genuine commitment to the marriage.

Working Things Out

Credit: bigfoto

Copyright: bigfoto