Can Your Marriage Survive a Crisis?

The true test of a marriage's strength comes through crisis: death, illness, unemployment or other personal disasters. During these difficult times a couple either learns to lean on each other, or they simply isolate and the fabric of the relationship comes unravelled. Why?

Many people were never adequately prepared to deal with adversity. When faced with a spouses disability, or the illness or loss of a child, they simply refuse to deal with reality and abandon the situation. Others play the blame game. If only you had, if you listened, and on and on, they unload their grief and anger on each other.

How does a couple avoid the pitfalls inherent in such situations? First, avoid the temptation to cast blame. It is too easy when emotions are running high to lash out in anger. Try and recognize and validate your partner's feelings. Let each other know how much you need each other. Put off any sort of intensive talks until the situation has calmed down. I remember when Cam was 3 years old and sustained a severe head injury. I lashed out at Dave, telling him it was his fault for not watching him more closely. When I saw the look of profound hurt in his eyes, I immediately went to him and apologized. As we went through the long hours of waiting and praying, we held each other. From that day forward, no matter what happens in our lives to bring on a crisis, we automatically reach out to each other.

Don't isolate from your partner. Let each other know what you are feeling and why. There is no shame in expressing grief and hurt. Men are particularly good at trying to keep a stiff upper lip, and internalizing their emotions. They often need the reassurance that we don't think any less of them for crying or showing grief. This can be a very moving and profound moment in your marriage. Very often, a man, once he's been given permission to express his deepest feelings, will find himself much more open and loving in all other areas of his relationship with his wife.

Surviving Together

Credit: bigfoto

Copyright: bigfoto