Destructive Gossip: Poison to Family Relationships

Destructive gossip in families is rooted in childhood hurts and resentments. A child who feels neglected, who is the family "scapegoat", who has a sibling or siblings who seem to outshine him or her--that child is the one who often carries grudges into adulthood. That child tries everything in his or her power to discredit the brother(s) or sister(s) whose "very presence" seemed to steal his or her "just desserts." Let's call the gossiper Flo. Flo's anger is intense and is misdirected. The victim of destructive gossip, Mo, was a child at the same time as Flo. Mo didn't do anything intentionally to hurt Flo. It is the parents who are responsible for a lopsided social order in families; it is the parents who choose to play favorites. The victim of destructive gossip is often paying for the sins of the parents. The sentence lasts a lifetime.

Flo cannot acknowledge anything positive about Mo. Flo thinks that Mo is always favored by relatives, by parents, and by friends. Flo finds fault with everything about Mo, including his or her spouse and children. Flo is motivated to discredit Mo in every possible way. The problem is, Flo never feels any better. Flo cannot get filled up. In Flo's eyes, Mo just keeps stealing the thunder.

In a desperate attempt to achieve the status so longed for, Flo finally pulls out the big guns-- destructive gossip. Flo knows exactly where to go and how to get started. Dial the gatekeeper of the rumor mill who is the one family member who specializes in spreading lies. It works. Family members who listen to the destructive gossip do not try to validate the accusations. They accept them hook, line, and sinker. Mo is accused and convicted without any chance of defense. Flo's destructive gossip is painful enough, but the judgment and shunning by extended family members leaves Mo feeling isolated and betrayed.

What is Mo to do?