Forget Phil Spector: Die in Memphis with John Hampton of Ardent

I know that all my girlfriends out there are waiting on Phil Spector to be acquitted so that they can shoot themselves at his home. What a perfect place to die, right? In case you don't know what I'm talking about, Phil Spector has been charged with murder after actress Lana Clarkson was found shot to death in his home. Spector's defense maintains that Clarkson shot herself because her career was not as vibrant as she had once hoped and she had passed the age of forty.

Why doesn't the DA believe Phil Spector? His story makes so much sense that it amazes me every day that anyone would charge him with murder. I mean, aging beauty is always suicidal and waiting on the famous Mr. Phil Spector. We all know she shot herself - and we know why. Since our main man, Phil Spector, is tied up with legal issues, I have a solution for all of you who are waiting to die at the home of a famous music producer. Follow my lead.

JJ's Plans for Death

I live in Memphis, so when I hit forty, I will shoot myself in the mouth in the foyer at John Hampton's home. He may not be Phil Spector, but he is a famous music producer and engineer who is hailed as a genius. Ardent Studios has had countless numbers of musicians record there.

REM, Cat Power, The White Stripes, John Hiatt... should I go on? Ladies, doesn't this make you want to suck on a gun as much as it makes me want to? I thought so. I can hear your moans of pleasure at the idea of dying in the home of such a man. We live to die at the home of a genius music producer, don't we?

John Hampton hasn't worked with the Righteous Brothers, but I think the White Stripes are good enough to make him worth blowing my head off at his home. Here you have it, Ladies: I, JJ Allen, am going to shoot myself at John Hampton's house in Memphis, Tennessee, if I haven't won the Orange Prize for literature by the time I am forty.