Expanding Sex in the Age of STDs

Yes, it's dreadfully annoying to have to worry about sexually transmitted disease. What a sense of loss we can feel curtailing our natural desires for intercourse. It can feel so much like a punishment to have to be more circumspect than we would otherwise. It can really put a damper on relating to people we are interested in, making us more distant, making the situation more complex and confusing.

We see people moving with grace, speaking with fullness in their voices, and may immediately wonder if they are so sexy and expressive, if they also are more likely to have STDs. We may want to move subtly in sync with their bodies, let our voices become musical in tune with theirs. We may want to whisper and draw our faces closer. But instead, we may put a barrier of rigidity around us. We may think about the consequences of a simple kiss, and also of what I might lead to if we are led away from discipline. We may start thinking of how to ask about current STD test reports. The moment is gone.

We can become so resigned to the idea of being careful that we cut down on emanating our sexuality to the world. Letting the sexual energy flow through us all the time, being sexual beings, romantic creatures, creates a kind of humming aliveness, a freedom of energy movement. Putting sexual expressiveness on hold can often make us pale and wan, or hard and insensitive.

We may be waiting for the right person to come along, the only person to make love with, but in the meantime become so cold and asexual that that person may not be able to discover our animal magnetism. We may feel left out, even despondent, and grow too used to sublimating our desires for closeness. We can be too alone. And the more alone we become, the more likely it is that we will stay alone.