The Sacred Garden: Marriage and Sex in the Mormon Faith

We Mormons seem to play tennis with words a lot whenever we talk with people who are not members of our church, especially when it comes to the words "secret" and "sacred". I looked them up in the Webster's New World College Dictionary. The word "secret" means such things as "kept from public knowledge or from the knowledge of a certain person or persons" or "keeping one's affairs to oneself". The word "sacred" means "regarded with the reverence or respect accorded holy things" or "consecrated to or belonging to the divinity of a deity."

Why am I looking up words in the dictionary? First of all, because it's fun for me to look up words in the dictionary. Secondly, because both of these words describe aspects of married sexuality as it is practiced among members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, of which I am a member. I am also married to a terrific man, who is also a member, and we have been married over 14 years as of this writing.

To those outside of our faith, sex seems to be something that should be either hidden as dark or dirty, or something that should be openly explored and shared among consenting adults. The media seems to delight in the latter, opening everything in great and graphic detail.

Mormons don't share so freely...which may be construed by some as repressed or held back, or that we also consider sex to be something terrible and dirty that should stay hidden. Not true. We simply prefer to be judicious, because while sex is an experience that is common to all mankind, we believe that sex is not something that should be treated commonly. Therefore, we don't share with others about our married sexual experiences.

Maybe we don't like sex? This is also far from the truth. We love it, and believe in it. Heck, we have to wait sometimes 20 years or more for it before we get to partake, and you better believe that, when we are finally licensed to do so, we do.

But how good can it be, when you come to each other with no experience? How can you know if you'll be compatible if you've never made love before you marry?