A Beginner's Guide to Anal Sex

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For couples who’ve never tried it (or had a bad experience in the past and decided to never do it again), anal sex can be a way to spice up a relationship. For many, the draw to anal sex comes from the taboo associated with it. For others, anal sex is just the next step of a natural progression in a sexual relationship. Whatever your reason for wanting to try it, anal sex doesn’t have to be frightening or difficult; it just requires a little foreknowledge to feel good for the receiving partner.

Respect the rectum.

I’m going to be very frank here, so prepare yourself. Anal sex involves inserting a man’s penis through the anus into the rectum (woman’s or man’s—this article is for everyone). The anus is the hole through which feces passes out, and the rectum is the connection between the anus and the colon. These are normally held tightly shut at the bottom by the sphincter, a powerful muscle that stays closed until you relax it enough to go to the bathroom.

That being said, the anus and rectum are used to being exit-only parts. Unlike vaginal intercourse, anal sex the parts involved in anal sex do not naturally lubricate and relax upon arousal. It is up to you and your partner to relax these muscles for your body.

Before having anal sex, the receiving partner should by all means go to the bathroom. If you feel blocked up (that’s a euphemism for “if you have to poop”), anal sex will not be pleasurable and might potentially cause a mess. It will also be much harder for your partner to penetrate your anus, because you will instinctively want to keep it closed to avoid an accident.

Proceed slowly and use lots of lubrication.

Because the muscles of your anus and rectum will not relax and lubricate on their own, you need to help them get ready for anal sex. Lots of foreplay will help the receiving partner relax in general. Let a back massage relax the receiving partner psychologically. Massaging the area around the buttocks and anus will help physically relax the actual muscles involved in anal sex.