Why Hockey Sucks

Ernest Hemingway had some peculiar ideas about what qualified as a sport. He said something to the effect that the only true sports were bullfighting and auto racing. I think there might have been a third one and I forget what it is but it might as well have been shotgun-barrel-eating because that turned out to be the only thing Poppa Bear was ever really and good at. Some might say he could right, but come on, have you read The Sun Also Rises? I have and trust me when I tell you as a writer E.H. was a great big-game hunter. My point is ol’ Ernie had some strange ideas about sports.

A lot of people have some strange ideas about sports. Some people still try to convince us that golf is a sport. I’m sorry but any sport where John Daly can do well is not really a sport. The man is a known alcoholic and weighs roughly 81/2 tons. Sure, I enjoy watching Tiger Woods, but I still don’t think of it as a sport. It involves way too much walking. Does it take skill? Sure, but so does table tennis, Scrabble, Monopoly and Chess. Golf is a game and until they allow either land mines on the greens or tackling of your opponent that is going to remain my opinion thank you very much.

For me the only two real sports are baseball and football. Growing up in Chicago, football is in my very DNA. Honest to God and hands to heaven one of my very first words was “Butkus.” Two teams of large men lining up on either side and smashing into each other? Hell yeah! All just to gain a little bit of ground. It’s gladiatorial. It’s like war without bullets.

For me the best sport is baseball. I love baseball. Lord in heaven I love baseball. I am diehard White Sox fan and I eager look forward to each game. I will watch a baseball game for three plus hours and when it ends I am depressed and want to watch more baseball. Home runs are great but the real game is getting the lead off man on base and then having him steal or bunting him over. Then you get the second guy on or he sacrifices to move the runner and then you put up your big hitter. He then smashes one over the wall and you get multiple runs. It’s a thing of beauty.