Weather Idiots

What happened to our sunny day?" Asked the mustachioed man as he walked by the windows in the cafeteria and gazed out the window at the darkening skies. I think you will appreciate the supreme effort it took me to prevent myself from pulling out the hairs of his mustache and putting them into his eyes.

OK, I am willing to confess and fully admit that I have an almost psychotic problem with the weather. I have become a kind of amateur meteorologist because I am terrified beyond description of thunderstorms. To me, a summer day may be gorgeous and perfect all day long but if the weather person is predicting storms that night, the entire day is ruined for me. When thunderstorms come through I stay awake, weather radio in one hand, regular radio in the other tuned to the all-news station, in my shoes and fully dressed, while watching the Weather Channel, while listening for the siren that indicates I need to head into the basement.

My ideal invention or construction project would be to build a concrete and iron box in my basement with its own generator, a tv set with cable, a comfortable bed, food, fridge and water. That is where I would sleep on nights when thunderstorms are predicted. Oh, the booth would also be soundproof. That way I could sleep soundly and the entire world could be destroyed by funnel clouds around me and I could sleep in blissful ignorance. A lot of people tell me how they sleep with the windows open and sleep better on nights when it rains and thunders. Not me. Not even close.

So, this obsession and compulsion gives me a heightened sense and appreciation of the weather. I visit weather websites constantly, watch the Weather Channel, and watch the weathermen on the news. But it drives me insane that even regular people DO NOT KNOW THE WEATHER. What the hell is WRONG with you people? I am amazed that people are amazed by what is going on in the weather! It's on the front page of the newspaper, for crying out loud. There are ways to get the weather through your cell phone and PDA, just like my rant about the news.