President Bush's Colonoscopy Results Positive

President Bush did not receive sympathy for long after his recent colonoscopy. In a press briefing today, Tony Snow reported that the President's colonoscopy revealed five polyps. None of these polyps showed any trace of cancer. The condition, known as tubular adenoma, was the resulting diagnosis from the polyps. Tubular adenoma is a common type of polyp. In President Bush's case, all five of these polyps were found and removed and can no longer become cancerous.

The President will have another colonoscopy in approximately three years. The typical recommendation for a person over 50 years of age is to have colonoscopy every five years if that person has three polyps or fewer, and every three years if one has more than three polyps. However, there is no cause for concern as long as they are successfully found and removed.

Jokes circulated the mass media as the President passed his executive power over to Vice President Dick Cheney during the colonoscopy, for which he had to undergo anesthesia. Critics of Bush's administration joked that Cheney could hurriedly end the war, raise taxes on the rich, etc. while acting as President.

No such actions took place however. So, today, the press charged ahead with questions about Bush's exit strategy in Iraq and other plans for the war. One reporter said, "Does the President have any exit strategy planned ahead for -- your administration is not well known for planning ahead, but are there any contingency plans? And also, does he read newspapers? Today in The New York Times it showed an Iraqi woman weeping -- she lost seven members of her family from American air strikes. So how long does this go on?"

Snow responded that the President is thinking ahead and hoping to create a situation in Iraq that will prevent a great deal of future violence and that the United States is doing everything in their power to protect the innocent citizens in Iraq. Snow also stated that the U.S. is doing everything possible to capture Bin Laden and create lasting change.