A face-to-face discussion can drain the power from a passive-aggressor, although a direct confron...
Credit: The Tale of a Wedded Life, in Ten Scenes, by Cassius "Kash" M. Collidge (1877) | ©Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division Washington, D.C.
Shot in the Back
The sneakiest form of control
Is passive-aggression, I'm told.
In sneaky ways, behind your back,
The angry one will launch his attack.
With backhanded compliments, he will try
To break you down and make you cry.
His own broken ego, he'll gratify,
While showing the world he's such a nice guy.
Beware the deception. Fend off his cheap shot.
Beneath his sly smile, his anger burns hot.
His own insecurity binds this crackpot.
So flee from his trap, and don't get caught!
What is a passive-aggressor?
The passive-aggressor is the angry person who will never let you see it. He (or she) may be furious, but smile at you and shower you with flattery. Then, as you drop your guard, the false front will drop. The timid intimidator will attack you in some subtle way, using deceitful tactics so that you can hardly prove him wrong. He will act like a friend, but perform like a hidden foe.
Avoidance, lies, and secret sabotage are his weapons of destruction. He will nurse a small grudge into a major escalation without ever telling you he has been offended. As a result, you do not have an opportunity to defend your position, seek an honest reconciliation, or make things right between you.
What fuels passive-aggression?
Basically, passive-aggression is based on hidden fear. The passive-aggressive person, while appearing in control, is really quite afraid. He may fear any of the following:
The passive-aggressive person fears commitment.
He may even pout and sulk, if he is pressured. He is an expert at avoidance, ignoring others, offering the silent treatment, or even withdrawing from a relationship when it exceeds his level of personal comfort.
The passive-aggressive person fears competition, unless he is certain he can win.
He may even attempt to cheat at games. I know an adult who tries to fool children at Monopoly!
He may try to set up contests, in which he has already orchestrated the ending in his favor. He feels the need to make himself the winner, by making others the losers.
The passive-aggressive person fears deadlines.
The sneakiest form of control
Is passive-aggression, I'm told.
In sneaky ways, behind your back,
The angry one will launch his attack.
With backhanded compliments, he will try
To break you down and make you cry.
His own broken ego, he'll gratify,
While showing the world he's such a nice guy.
Beware the deception. Fend off his cheap shot.
Beneath his sly smile, his anger burns hot.
His own insecurity binds this crackpot.
So flee from his trap, and don't get caught!
What is a passive-aggressor?
The passive-aggressor is the angry person who will never let you see it. He (or she) may be furious, but smile at you and shower you with flattery. Then, as you drop your guard, the false front will drop. The timid intimidator will attack you in some subtle way, using deceitful tactics so that you can hardly prove him wrong. He will act like a friend, but perform like a hidden foe.
Avoidance, lies, and secret sabotage are his weapons of destruction. He will nurse a small grudge into a major escalation without ever telling you he has been offended. As a result, you do not have an opportunity to defend your position, seek an honest reconciliation, or make things right between you.
What fuels passive-aggression?
Basically, passive-aggression is based on hidden fear. The passive-aggressive person, while appearing in control, is really quite afraid. He may fear any of the following:
The passive-aggressive person fears commitment.
He may even pout and sulk, if he is pressured. He is an expert at avoidance, ignoring others, offering the silent treatment, or even withdrawing from a relationship when it exceeds his level of personal comfort.
The passive-aggressive person fears competition, unless he is certain he can win.
He may even attempt to cheat at games. I know an adult who tries to fool children at Monopoly!
He may try to set up contests, in which he has already orchestrated the ending in his favor. He feels the need to make himself the winner, by making others the losers.
The passive-aggressive person fears deadlines.
- Passive-Aggressors may be men or women.
- He will act like a friend, but perform like a hidden foe.
- Be direct. Define and defend your own personal boundaries.
Comments
U said it to a T, Sista :-) Amen in every way!
Indeed!
Very well written and describes them to a T! It's good that you gave ways for dealing with a passive aggressive also!
Very interesting! I, for sure, have known passive-aggressive people.
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